SJ’s guide to going on a good first date
Part one - pre date red flags and what to look out for on a first date
You’ve finally got your first date with a new guy. You’re excited, you’re nervous, you haven’t done this in a while. Or maybe you’re not nervous at all and are wondering whether you should go. Regardless, part one of this series, will look at all the red flags I ignored before and on dates- so you can avoid them too.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Before the date
If you do not feel excited or a little bit nervous to meet this man, do not go. In my experience it will turn out to be, at best, an average date where you didn’t spark and you wasted money on a round. The best dates I had were when I already knew I liked them from our initial chats. Going into the date, it would only be a question of whether there was the right chemistry between us or if I actually fancied them in real life. Sometimes I was surprised by dates I wasn’t excited about, but that really only happened twice and once was in the pandemic when I thought I was going to die. So I don’t think it counts.
If they ask you to go to their place as a first day, immediately no. They only want to hook up. And even if you are only interested in that, from a safety perspective it is unwise.
If they don't ask you where you are based and pick somewhere close to them, instead of somewhere convenient to you or central. They likely want to hook up with you and that’s it.
If they do not confirm time and venue the night before - if not chosen in advance.
If time and venue are chosen in advance and you do not hear from them before confirming before 1500, do not go, it'll be a waste of time as they lack basic manners. It takes two minutes to send a text. It took many times getting ready for a date that didn’t happen, before I made this rule. A beautifully beat face and a dressing gown, were not how I was promised my evening would go.
Anyone who reschedules but doesn't give you a time and date for a the reschedule, just asks for a rain check. They're probably seeing someone else they prefer, it's not personal.
On the Date
Do not split the bill, your foundation costs more than a round. They asked for your company, thus they can pay for the drinks or food. You do NOT owe them because they paid for the meal/drinks. That is how it it’s supposed to be, if they can't afford it that is their problem. Remember - some men are only seen to be feminists and demand equality when it comes to splitting the bill. However you can buy a round to be polite, but only if the date is going well. Do not pay to spend the evening with someone you don't really like. It’ll quickly become expensive.
Make sure you tell someone where you are going, send a live location. Remind them it’s the location of the phone, not you. Also have a get out call planned if you are not sure aka my housemate is locked out/family emergency.
Anyone who is over 10 minutes late but doesn't tell you they're running late, this is simply rude and they don’t respect your time.
Anyone who asks you, so what are kind of guy are you looking for (could also apply to initial chat again). Do not tell them what you are looking for, they will mould themselves into it. Simply say ‘show me what kind of man you are and I will tell you whether that's who I am looking for or not’
If they don't check to make sure you got home ok, they clearly don't care that much then. Even my briefest of encounters have checked in to make sure I got home ok.
In part two, I will discuss what to look out for post first date, messages to send if you’re not interested and how to spot signs of love bombing.
If that sounds like something you’d be interested in, consider…..