SJ’s Guide to Navigating Dating Apps. Part One
Part One - How to perfect your profile, from a profile pro.
Whether you’re newly single or you’re long term single, either way you’ve decided to download a dating app. Likely one of the Big Three; Tinder, Bumble or Hinge. If you’re reading this, my money is on Hinge. Ultimately it doesn’t really matter, they are mostly the same and most people are on all of them anyway. Personally I used different ones for different things, but that’s a topic for a different day and this is about you.
Setting up your profile can be a daunting prospect; what pictures are appropriate? What do I say? How quirky, original, funny, or myself should I be? Do I use the voicenote feature? What parameters do I put in, how do I navigate this Argos style catalogue of singles? Are they even all single? Even if the app is user friendly, making a profile of yourself can be overwhelming. This is where I am here to help.
What photos should I use?
Your first photo should always be a photo of just your face, preferably smiling. While you might look gorgeous in that one group photo, save it for later down the stack. No one wants to guess who you are from the off.
Your second and third photos should include full body shots and/or photos of you doing something you enjoy, something fun, niche, your personality should come through with these photos.
Fourth and fifth can include group photos or photos with pets, nights out etc
Your final photo should be you as the focus again, it not only finishes the profile off nicely, but reminds the Swiper why the scrolled down in the first place.
There is always a bit of debate on whether to include bikini/revealing photos. I think it comes down to personal preference. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. I have done both with the same results. Personally it didn’t really improve the quality of my matches but it did improve the quantity. I also got a lot more letchy comments, though it was ultimately beneficial as I was able immediately weed that person out.
FaceTune or not to FaceTune? Almost everyone FaceTunes these days. As long as you are not grossly misrepresenting yourself, I personally don’t see an issue with minor touch ups/tweaks. If it’s ok for the cover stars of Vogue, it’s ok enough for your profile.
Prompts
I found that I was more likely to have a successful date with a man who had read and responded to my prompt, rather than one who simply liked my picture. I could hazard a guess that it was because they had taken the time to read my bio and introduce themselves, rather than superficially liking my picture.
The best advice I could give is to cater your prompts to reflect both you and the type of person you’re looking to attract. For example; I like sardonic, hot history boys, who can quote 90s BBC sitcoms, nerds with a soupçon of lunacy to spice things up. See prompts below for what I chose to best lure that type of man in….
Ultimately your prompts should reflect who you are, if you’re funny be funny, if you’re a bit shy, be shy. Whatever you do, don’t be generic, for example;
Worst things I’ve done? Download hinge/bumble/tinder
Way to ask me out? By asking me out/dinner reservations
What I order for the table? Tequila, nachos etc
Just like men who post fish photos and are “competitive at everything”, we’ve seen it all before. You want to stand out, you’re the star!
The voicenote feature on Hinge can be utilised to perfection. People have included scrolling music, impressions, their own songs to much comedic value. Equally there are times it’s an absolute disaster. If you are creative enough, I think they can elevate a profile. However, I wouldn’t spend too much time agonising over whether to include it or what to say. Your profile will be equally wonderful with out it.
Finally it’s important not to misrepresent yourself in the hope of more matches, firstly it’s unsustainable and secondly it will be apparent quickly if you’re inauthentic. If you’re not into live music don’t say you are, if you’re not into hiking, definitely don’t say you are. I learned that the hard way. Especially when I consider the great outdoors to be that bit between Bond Street Tube and Selfridges.
Parameters and your bio
Most apps these days don’t allow you to select specific parameters, unless you pay (see below on whether you should pay or not). If you have elected to pay, then I would caution selecting height 6ft and over and a 5 mile radius. Only 10% of the world’s population is over 6ft, how many people will be over 6ft in your 5 mile radius and of those how many of them will be worth your time? Of course this is merely a guide, if it’s a deal breaker, it’s deal breaker. I only caution this, as you could be missing out on some great dating opportunities based solely on someone’s height. Ironically it is not the measure of the man!
Do include what you want out of the app, a relationship, a hook up or have children/want children, men will probably ignore it, but it can be a valuable tool to weed out the chancers. I also put that I drank and didn’t do drugs of any kind, because I found it helpful when I swiped on profiles to see they had included those details, as drugs are a dealbreaker for me. I could avoid people I was incompatible with from the start. This will help others avoid you if you’re not compatible based on something fundamental like political affiliation, vaccination status or being vegan. Time is precious, you don’t want to waste it with the wrong person.
I didn’t include my school or university, but I did include my education level. This was mostly because I didn’t want to give away too much specific information about myself to strangers on the internet. Also I wanted to be somewhat mysterious. However it is personal preference whether you include it or not.
Should you pay?
This will largely depend on your financial status, there is a cost of living after aol and dating apps are no longer cheap. In 2020, I paid about £5 a month for Bumble, I nearly fainted when they wanted £30 a month in 2022. Although it does get cheaper the longer you want to subscribe, you still have to pay upfront. So is it worth it?
Dating apps have become almost unwieldy unless you’re willing to pay something. You only get a set amount of likes you can doll out each day, you can’t see who’s liked you first, you can’t set your parameters such as height. You’re stopped at almost every turn in an effort to get you to pay up. It’s a bit like being grabbed by love capitalism and shaken down for coins. Give us money for love, now!
However, I chose not to pay, not only because £30 a month didn’t make fiscal sense, but because I found it limited my time on the apps. I was quite dedicated when it came to dating. If only got 6 swipes a day, I used them most days. The monotony of scrolling was regulated for me, which meant I was less frustrated by it all. It also made me more selective than I had been in the past, when I had just been swiping on anyone vaguely attractive because I could, only to unmatch because he was clearly a walking red flag. Note, do not swipe horny, it’s like going shopping hungry.
Ultimately there are pros and cons to both paying or using it for free. I wouldn’t say the quality of my matches were better when I paid, it was just easier to navigate. So if you can afford it you may have an easier time and if you can’t, you can still meet your match.
In Part Two, I’ll discuss what profiles to avoid, what profiles to indulge and how to start conversations and conversation red flags.
I hope this was useful, if you enjoyed it, consider subscribing for Part Two